- Say nigga
- Be a part of the natural hair movement.
3. Tell my black ass what I should and should not be offended about.
4. Jump in on every tumblr post made for black people and say all people. Nobody was talking to you. Stay in your socks and sandals lane.
^^ that last one though 😂💯
Oh man, I was kinda in the same boat, no worries. Because obviously the sex ed in America sucks, so somewhere in my schooling I got the idea that having premarital sex was dirty and people who “gave in” were weak and destroying some sacred gift they should have kept for their future spouse.
In high school, a motivational speaker came to talk to the freshmen. The author of “Don’t Take Love Lying Down” in fact. He also made ‘great’ non-religious arguments as to why you should wait, and how boys and girls are inherently different, and told stories about adults who had come to him with such regret that they had slept with people before they found their spouses, crying that “Some of those women had better bodies than my wife and I hate that I think that!” Also ew. I look back and wish I had known what I do now. I wish I could go to one of his speeches now and speak up, argue with him, tell the kids in the room that waiting is not the only option. Why on earth would you tell people these things? That they should live with such guilt if they enjoyed sex and to block those ‘urges’ and curiosities with ignorance and fear?
So I believed, for a looong time, that I was better than people who had or wanted to have sex because I didn’t and wasn’t going to (until halfway through my sophomore year of college, I was convinced I was not going to have premarital sex). But really, I was terrified and ignorant. ‘Sex’ was a bad, scary, gross word that I knew nothing about. I did not know that the penis went into the vagina until ninth grade. Until I was 14! In fact, I had no idea what or where my own vagina was until I was 13.
I had once confided to a friend that I wanted to tell my husband on my wedding night, “Hey honey, can we maybe wait one more night and just talk about it and figure it out?” At one point, I was totally cinvinced i would be a virgin for the rest of my life. I was afraid that I had an STI that I was afraid to get tested for, too, which I didn’t have, I had just never been told what’s normal for down yonder. Luckily I’m the kind of person who won’t dive into something I don’t know about, but I will do my damnedest to learn about it.
Tumblr was actually a vital tool in my learning more about sex. Also friends and people who I respected telling me they had had sex. And I knew I was a sexual person, sorta. I didn’t know the term for a while, but I did masturbate, and I liked wearing bikinis to the beach to look ‘sexy’, even tho I am otherwise pretty modest. So I followed the right kind of blogs, I guess, Sex ed and sex positive blogs and feminist blogs. Laci Green’s videos on youtube were a big help. I learned about consent and communication and that I’m not some ‘gift’ for someone I probably haven’t met yet.
That was the main thing. I am my own fucking person, I am in control of my own body and I am allowed to do things that I enjoy, with knowledge and confidence. I am not some precious thing that must remain unmarred so some future husband can have a clean untouched present. I am not an object. And neither are you, to any future husband or wife or anything.
Sex can be clean and enjoyable and communicative and lovely. Sophomore year, I was dating a guy who also didn’t want to have sex before he got married, but we started talking about it as I learned more and taught him more. We were already intimate with each other and after a year of dating we decided together that, yeah, waiting seems kinda silly. He went through the same process of learning that people he respected, like his brother, had had premarital sex. We talked about it and took baby steps. Some people don’t do that, and that’s fine.
Man, that was a lot. But basically, don’t be afraid! Even if after you learn about it and sex still seems gross, that’s also totally fine. But ultimately, wanting or liking sexy activities, masturbation, or sex itself, however you define it, is completely natural and wonderful and okay and nothing to be ashamed about. And disliking anything in that realm is also okay. Just keep asking questions, I am always here if you want to ask me, look up articles and good videos, and don’t do anything you’re grossed out by or feel uncomfortable with. You’ll be okay. If you don’t want to be repulsed by sex forever, you won’t be, don’t worry. :)
I will write about the following, leave one in my ask box.
Dear person I hate,
Dear person I like,
Dear ex boyfriend,
Dear ex girlfriend,
Dear ex bestfriend,
Dear future me,
Dear past me,
Dear person I’m jealous of,
Dear person I had a crush on,